


Living in (A Winter) Wonderland

by Diaryofanarcissisticgayman, NarryMusings



Series: You, Me, and a Camera [3]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Family Drama, Holidays, M/M, Narry are lovely and fluffy, The kids are brats
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2017-01-12
Packaged: 2018-09-12 03:58:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9054460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diaryofanarcissisticgayman/pseuds/Diaryofanarcissisticgayman, https://archiveofourown.org/users/NarryMusings/pseuds/NarryMusings
Summary: Niall and Harry decide to take the kids on a trip to make Christmas special, now that the twins are in college. The kids aren’t as enthusiastic about that idea as they are.





	1. Chapter 1

“Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”

The question keeps getting repeated, and every time- Every single time- Niall’s forehead throbs a little more. He could understand it from Chris, because twelve year olds are supposed to be enthusiastic and excitable on trips. He could even handle it from Ava, because she’s always been a very bright personality.

But, no. Niall doesn’t have it that easy. Because it’s not his tween son, or his teenage daughter trying to make him burst a blood vessel and kill them all by swerving into a tree. It’s his husband.

“Are we-” Harry starts, but Niall cuts him off with a growled out, “So help me, pet- If you ask that one more time, I am going to kick you out in the snow to walk the rest of the way.”

“So- That’s a no?” Harry asks.

“The fact that we are not, in fact, parked in front of a cabin right now would indicate that, no, we aren’t.” Niall grumbles. “Check the sat-nav if you want to know how much longer there is.”

“It says we’re there.” Harry points out, clicking on the screen to pull it up on the display.

“Oh shit!” Niall hisses, taking a sharp left as the sat-nav lady barely manages to say it before Niall passes the turn into the drive for their cabin. He checks his rear-view to make sure that William managed to make it too, and then starts cursing under his breath for letting himself get distracted by Harry.

“Can you not talk like that?” Harry huffs, rolling his eyes. “It’s Christmas.”

“It’s three days until Christmas, and I’ll talk however I bloody well like.” Niall says, shooting Harry a quick glare before stopping in front of the garage for their home for the next week. “You got the- The clicker thing?”

“Right here.” Harry hums, reaching into the glovebox and pulling out the little button that opens up the garage.

Niall pulls in, and then shuts off the Range Rover as William pulls into the spot next to them.

“Were you trying to fucking kill us?” William asks snidely when Niall climbs out of the car.

“Seriously, dad, what was that turn?” Jimmy adds, looking over the top of the car from the other side.

“Blame your father.” Niall says with a roll of his eyes. “He wouldn’t shut up and I almost missed the turn.”

“Hey!” Harry squawks, opening up his door. “Someone has to be excited, since you’re all a bunch of grumps.”

“Hm, I wonder if that has something to do with being dragged out of bed at four in the morning to drive for eight hours.” William huffs, opening up the boot to their car. “And leaving the sun to come to this tundra. You think that could have anything to do with it, Jimmy?”

“Pretty sure that has something to do with it, Will.” Jimmy snorts.

“If they weren’t basically clones of you, I’d know for sure now that they’re yours.” Harry says flatly, looking over at Niall. “Only your kids could possibly be this sarcastic and cheerless.”

“You’re only this hyper because I drove the whole way, while you slept until about an hour ago.” Niall points out. “Anything less than eight hours, and you’re a little bitch, just like them.”

“Hey!” All three of them yell in protest at the same time, making Niall cackle as he opens up the boot to the Rover.

“If they weren’t basically clones of me, I’d guarantee that they were yours.” Niall smirks. He turns his attention to Chris and Ava, who haven’t moved a muscle, and says, “Yo- Kiddos- Get to moving. I’m not carrying in your bags, and neither is your father. If you want your clothes, or a charger for those mobiles you’re glued to, you’d better hurry up.”

“Ugh, dad!” Ava groans. “Why do you always have to be such a dweeb?”

“Oh look, pet.” Niall hums. “She’s gone back to the sixties now to find slang to insult us with. Aren’t teenagers a delight?”

“Such a delight, babe.” Harry giggles, pressing a kiss to Niall’s cheek.

“And they wonder where we get it.” Niall hears Jimmy mutter to William.

“Chris, put the tablet down and come get your things, or it’s going in my bag for the rest of the trip.” Harry tells him, ignoring Jimmy’s barb. That’s probably for the best. You can’t win with teenagers. It’s a lesson it’s taken them years to learn, and that Niall still struggles with from time to time. “Ava, same with you and that phone.”

“Ugh!” Ava whines, unbuckling her seatbelt and climbing out of the car, stomping around the back to grab her bags before heading straight for the door that leads inside. She disappears into the cabin with another yelled, “Dweebs!”

“Okay, seriously- Who has used the word ‘dweeb’ since the eighties?” Niall asks.

“There’s a resurgence in retro-slang.” Chris explains, turning around to look at them over the back of his seat. “Dweeb, square, righteous- Anything from before two-thousand is being revived.”

“I know he did not just imply that anything from the nineties is old.” Harry scoffs. 

“Face it, Pet. We’re out of touch.” Niall snorts. “Proper ancient, we are. Can’t keep up with the youth of today.”

“Guess we’re going to have to tell all of our fans.” Harry shrugs. “‘Sorry, everyone. We can’t make music anymore, because we aren’t hip.’”

“Who says ‘hip’ anymore?” Chris asks incredulously. “Seriously, dad- Be more dope. God.”

“I think I’m having a stroke.” Niall mutters, pressing at his temple. “Harry, is my face sagging?”

“Only a little, but Doctor Blumenthal could fix that right up for you, old man.” Harry grins.

“There was a time when you would have found me sexier for a few wrinkles.” Niall huffs. “Proper got off on old men.”

“Mm, who says I don’t still?” Harry hums, sliding his hand down Niall’s arm.

“Can you two at least wait until we get inside before you get all perverse?” Jimmy sighs, closing the boot of their car. “And cool it in front of the little dude. He’s gross enough already without you two making it worse. Chris, hurry up, or you’re going to get stuck with the leftover room. Ava is already getting first dibs on a room.”

“No!” Chris shrieks, grabbing his bag over the back of the seat and climbing out of the car to dash inside.

“It’s literally that easy.” Jimmy says, looking back at Niall and Harry. “Threatening to take their tech is only going to piss them off, and actually confiscating it is going to leave you two having to put it in a safe with a random code in order to make sure they don’t just steal it back.”

“If you want to parent this week, then, by all means- Do it.” Niall says flatly.

“In fact, why don’t you start right now?” Harry grins, taking one suitcase in his left hand, and Niall’s hand with his right. “Because I’m going to take your father upstairs and show him who the real ‘little bitch’ is. Thanks, boys.”

 

“What’s got you in a mood?” Harry asks, twirling his finger over Niall’s bare back, drawing invisible tattoos he knows will never adorn the blond’s skin, no matter how much Harry wishes he’d just get one. It would just be so fucking sexy.

“Pretty sure I’m as relaxed as I’ve ever been.” Niall mumbles from where his face is half smashed into the pillow. “You fucked any stress I’ve ever had right out of me. And all the rest of the stress I’ll ever have.”

“Yeah, I’m sure that you’ll be completely calm in a month when we hit our deadline for-” Harry starts, only for Niall to flop his arm up and press his finger over Harry’s lips.

“Shh.” Niall giggles. “I’m not sure I can take another round right now. Three times in a row at our age is already impressive. No talking about anything that could be stressful.”

“I need to know what’s going on with you.” Harry murmurs, laying down and pressing their foreheads together. “You were upset when we got here. You’re never that grumpy when we’re on vacation.”

“You slept the whole time.” Niall sighs. “And you took care of getting Chris and Ava in the car. I was the one dealing with the twins. It just- I don’t know. There’s this vibe coming from all four of them. Like- Like none of them want to be here.”

“They’re always like that when we wake them up early.” Harry points out with a chuckle.

“Just like you.” Niall snorts, rubbing the tip of his finger in circles on Harry’s chin. “But it was different this time.”

“You just think that because the twins have been away at school.” Harry says gently, pressing a kiss to the tip of Niall’s nose. “They only got back yesterday morning. It’s going to take a little bit of time to get back into synch as a family. That’s okay.”

“They haven’t talked to me.” Niall whispers, scooting closer to bury his face in Harry’s shoulder. “Jimmy comes back with half a sleeve in tattoos, and William has an earring and black hair and a leather jacket- And I can’t get ten words out of them unless it’s snark.”

“I know.” Harry sighs. “But we knew that they weren’t going to be exactly the same as they were when they left. University is a time for discovering yourself. That’s all they’re doing.”

“I liked who they were.” Niall grumbles.

“And you’ll like who they are now, once you get a chance to know them.” Harry chuckles. “And you’ll like who they turn out to be, too.”

“You sure about that?” Niall snorts. “What if they turn out to be total wankers?”

“Then they’d be our wankers.” Harry laughs.

“Better go make sure our wankers haven’t turned the little ones into anarchists or burned the place down.” Niall says, rolling onto his back with a wince. “Christ- Actually- First priority should be finding a doctor. I think you broke my arse.”

“Sprained it, maybe.” Harry hums. “You’ll be fine. Just don’t sit on it for a bit. If it still hurts later, I’ll kiss it better.”

“Sprained it.” Niall mutters, shaking his head and climbing out of the bed to look for his pants. “I hate you. You’re the worst thing that ever happened to me.”

“Love you too.” Harry laughs, smacking at Niall’s bum as he walks past to get to the suitcase. “Come on. I brought up the pajamas. We’ll just get into those. I don’t plan on going anywhere today. Do you?”

“Gotta get groceries.” Niall sighs. “I’ll take Jimmy with me. Maybe I can get him to talk to me if we’re alone.”

“Do you need me to write out a list?” Harry asks.

“Nah. Jimmy’s the cook in the family. He’ll decide what we should get.” Niall tells him. “Don’t want to trap him into anything.”

“Trying to get on his good side with a food bribe.” Harry snorts. “Nice.”

“It always works with a Horan.” Niall hums, pulling on his jeans. “Without fail. Bobby, Greg, Theo- Can always get out of the doghouse if you know what to bribe them with.”

“Oh, I’m aware.” Harry smirks. “For example, you’re a sucker for my sausage.”

“Worst thing that ever happened to me.” Niall reiterates flatly, rolling his eyes as he pulls on his jumper.

“Hey.” Harry pouts. “Stop being mean to me. It’s Christmas.”

“It’s three days until Christmas, and you drive me insane.” Niall snorts, crossing over to Harry. “But I kind of like you.”

“You’re alright too, I guess.” Harry chuckles, pecking Niall on the lips. “Could do with some ink, though.”

“And you could do with-” Niall starts before Harry presses a bruising kiss to his lips.

“This could get dangerous for us real fast.” Harry mumbles against Niall’s lips. “Let’s not go there.”

“Fine.” Niall snorts. “I have to get going anyways. Gotta make sure we have supplies for dinner. Someone has to be the provider.”

“Do I need to throw you back on that bed and remind you just what I provide for you?” Harry huffs, following after Niall as he walks out of their private apartment onto the little sky-bridge that connects their part of the cabin and the garage underneath it to the main house.

“You’ve got to be hiding a stash of little blue pills somewhere.” Niall scoffs, pulling open the door that lets them into the loft.

“Who needs those when I’ve got you?” Harry grins, pinching Niall’s bum and then ruffling Chris’ hair as they pass him on the couch with his other hand. “Hey, little man. You doing alright?”

“Yeah.” Chris mumbles absentmindedly as they walk by, scrolling on his tablet. “The twins stole my room, though. I’m trying to figure out something to put in their suitcases. Do we have a drain-snake? I’m sure there’s something in the drains.”

“We’ll talk to them.” Niall tells him. “Don’t put anything in their bags.”

“Fine.” Chris huffs.

“I’m heading out to get some groceries, but dad will be here if you need anything.” Niall says, pressing a kiss to Chris’ forehead. “Don’t fight with your sister.”

“That would mean she’s come out of her room, so I don’t think that’s going to happen.” Chris scoffs.

“You want to handle that?” Niall asks, looking over at Harry.

“Guess I have to do something today.” Harry shrugs.

“And I’m sure you’ll do it with vigor and enthusiasm.” Niall says with a roll of his eyes, passing Harry on his way down the stairs. “Just like that response.”

“Hey, you try maintaining vigor and enthusiasm when you’re Daniel going into the lion’s den.” Harry snorts.

“She’s not that bad.” Niall chuckles. “As long as she hasn’t just gotten her nails done. Pointy little claws on that one when she smacks you.”

“Buy plasters.” Harry sighs as they reach the bottom steps. “I have a feeling that I’m going to need them. She just got a mani-pedi yesterday.”

“Jimmy-” Niall hums, giving Harry’s elbow a squeeze. “I’m headed out to get the groceries now. Want to come with?”

“No.” Jimmy says flatly, keeping his eyes glued to the telly.

“You really want me to pick out all the food?” Niall scoffs. “The boy who once threw a tantrum for half an hour because I got the wrong kind of onion?”

“I don’t care what you get.” Jimmy shrugs. “I don’t want to go. Do it alone.”

“Oh.” Niall breathes out, turning back to Harry. “Um- You wanna make that list for me after all, pet?”

“Yeah.” Harry nods, turning to lead Niall into the kitchen and throwing a glare over his shoulder at Jimmy, who isn’t even paying attention.

Teenagers.


	2. Chapter 2

“I have to go,” Ava mutters just as Harry opens the door slowly. He’d heard her talking through the walls as he approached the bedroom she’d chosen a mere few hours ago, but couldn’t quite make out what she was saying until he’d started to open the door. She doesn’t even say ‘goodbye’ before she pulls her cellphone away from her ear and ends the call with a tap of her thumb against the screen.

“What?” she asks rather bluntly as she watches Harry enter the room.

Harry shrugs. “What was that?”

“Nobody. And- You can’t just walk in here uninvited, you know.” She crosses her arms over her chest for dramatic emphasis.

Nevertheless, dramatic or not, it takes Harry a bit by surprise. He thinks he should probably get used to it, given her age – and also the fact that she’s a girl, the only girl – and yet… “I wasn’t aware that I wasn’t invited to come talk to you.”

“Well, you should have knocked.”

Harry raises an eyebrow. “In case you were on the phone with nobody?”

Ava rolls her eyes, pulls her legs up towards her chest where she’s sitting at the head of the queen size bed.

“You’re really not going to tell me who that was?”

She wraps her arms around her knees, and remains silent. She’s too stubborn for her own good sometimes, these days.

Harry sits on the edge of the bed, clasps his hands between his knees. “Fine, I’ll guess. Was it Faith?”

Ava sighs. “No.”

“Was it…Alexis?”

“No.”

“Bethany?”

“Dad-“

“I know it wasn’t your father. Was it-“

“Oh my God-” Ava screeches, flailing as she falls back against the mountain of pillows separating her from the headboard. “It was my boyfriend!” The second the words are out of her own mouth, she clamps her hands over her mouth with wide eyes.

The second the words are out of his daughter’s mouth, Harry feels like he might be having a heart attack. He feels frozen in place, and entirely too hot. His chest hurts, and it’s like someone has just delivered him a punch to the gut. He feels sick. “What?” He doesn’t trust his voice to say much else.

“It was my…boyfriend,” Ava mutters. Her voice is quieter, and far more hesitant than he’s ever heart it.

Harry swallows hard around the lump in his throat as he watches her fingers play, absentmindedly, with her long, dark hair. “Since when do you have a boyfriend?” he finds himself asking. “You’re 15 years old-“

“So? Faith has a boyfriend.”

Harry sighs. “Ava-“

“Tons of girls in my school have boyfriends. A couple of them even have girlfriends. It’s not a big deal.”

“If it isn’t a big deal, then why am I just now finding out? Like this?”

“Because I knew you would make it a big deal,” Ava says defensively.

“Well, yeah- I’m your father-“

“Exactly.”

Now, Harry feels like he’s about to have aneurism. “How long have you two been together?”

Ava shrugs. “A couple of weeks, I guess.”

“You know that I know you’re lying,” he tells her. “How long have you been together?”

She hesitates, and then sighs and she runs a hand through her hair. “Two months.”

“Two months,” Harry mutters. “Two months, and you’re only just telling me – and not even voluntarily.”

Ava remains silent, crosses her arms over her chest again, and looks away from him towards the window.

“When were you going to tell us?”

“Jimmy said to give it a couple of months, so I was going to ask him to come over for New Year’s.”

“Wait, Ji- Jimmy knows? How does Jimmy know?”

“I told him,” Ava admits softly. “He was doing my hair for our first date and it just sort of slipped out. And then I asked him when I should tell you and he told me to wait a couple of months first. He said that the first time he brought a boy home, the three of you grilled him with questions and it scared the boy off. He said that if I waited a couple of months, at least, that maybe my boy won’t feel like he wants to run.”

Harry pinches the bridge of his nose. He can’t exactly deny that any of that would have happened, is the thing. But, still- Sure, Jimmy would have handled it if this boy had broken Ava’s heart – he’d do anything for his younger sister, but still… Jimmy, at the very least, should have warned him.

“Dad-“

“Are you, um- Have you guys, you know, had…sex?” He doesn’t want to know. Well, he does, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t, but he has to. He needs to. He thinks, maybe, that he could have eased them both into The Talk a little bit better than just outwardly asking – but he’d just…really needed to rip the plaster off.

“EW- You can’t just ask me that!” Ava shouts at him in response.

“Actually, I can,” Harry argues. “I’m your father, and it is entirely my business whether or not my teenage daughter is having sex.”

“Stop.”

“Ava-“

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Are you using protection? Please tell me-“

“DAD!” she screams. “Stop, just- Just go away!”

Harry sighs. “Princess-“

“I’m not having sex with him! And no, I haven’t had sex at all yet either. Are you happy now?”

“Relieved,” Harry breathes. And that, at least, makes it feel like at least one rock has been lifted from his shoulders.

“Great,” Ava mutters. “Thanks. Bye.”

“Ava, Princess-“

“Go away! I don’t want to talk to you, and I don’t want to see you!”

Harry’s heart clenches. They’ve had their fair share of fights – she’s fifteen years old, after all, but she’s never spoken to him like this before. She’s never been this…intense. And she’s never told him to go away. “Baby-“

“If you don’t leave, I’m going to call him and he’ll come pick me up and take me home. Leave me alone.”

Harry lets the hand he’d been about to use to reach out to her drop into his lap. He hesitates for a few seconds, thinks about putting his foot down and just taking her mobile, but thinks better of it – for the sole reason that she seems upset enough already, and taking things away from her isn’t going to fix it – before pushing himself to his feet. She needs her space. Hell, he needs his own space too, to process everything that has just happened.

 

“Hey- You two-” Niall huffs, hauling two bags of groceries up onto the counter. “I’m fine having to go get all this shite by myself, even though it took me two hours and I dropped a can on my foot, then banged my face into a shelf picking it up. Totally fine with that. But if you two think I’m carrying in all of the food myself, you’re insane.”

“You could just say please.” William mutters, pushing himself up off of the couch. “Not like we would just say ‘fuck off’ or anything.”

“Not too sure of that these days.” Niall mumbles under his breath. “I’m going to go get Chris and Ava. They shouldn’t miss out on the fun.”

“I’d skip Ava.” Jimmy says on his way past Niall. “Her and dad talked. There was a lot of squawking from him. Probably best if you leave her alone for a bit. Think they might have traumatized each other.”

“Fantastic.” Niall sighs, heading for the stairs. “Bloody great, that is. This holiday is off to a brilliant start.”

Chris isn’t where Niall left him in the loft, which isn’t too unusual. He’s a curious kid, and this is a new place with lots of things to explore. Jimmy or William would have mentioned if he’d gone outside, so Niall assumes he’s still inside the house. He should have checked which of the rooms went to each kid before he left, but it’s not too incredibly difficult to figure out.

Given the fact that Chris wouldn’t shut up about foosball in the days leading up to the trip, and that he’d decided to pull some nameless horror out of the drains to stuff in Jimmy and William’s bags, it seems a given that the room with the double beds and foosball table didn’t, in fact, get claimed by him. The two suitcases are also a pretty big giveaway. Of course the twins would choose to bunk together. Niall should never have thought otherwise.

He honestly doesn’t know how they’re surviving at separate schools with their history of codependence issues.

The next door he opens gets him a pillow to the face and a set of screeches that sends him flying from the room before the door could even fully open. Harry must have done a number on Aibhlinn.

There are two rooms left, one of which is unoccupied and has the door open, so Niall opens the door to the other one. What he sees when he walks in- That was really not what he was expecting. Chris has his laptop set up on the bed, thankfully facing away from Niall, given the loud moaning taking place. His hand is moving furiously under the duvet, and then he’s yelling at Niall.

“Get out! Dad! Get out!” Chris screams, his face going bright red.

“Are you watching porn?” Niall roars, closing the lid of the laptop as Chris struggles to pull his pants back on.

“Get out!” Chris repeats, dropping his head in his hands.

“Give me your mobile.” Niall says flatly, gathering the laptop off of the bed and then the tablet that’s laying on the dresser.

“Dad-” Chris starts, but Niall is having none of it.

“Now, Christopher Thomas.” Niall says harshly, holding out his hand. “This is not what we got you these things for. You are twelve. You are not supposed to be looking at these kinds of things.”

“Ugh!” Chris groans dramatically, picking up his mobile off the nightstand and throwing it on the ground at Niall’s feet. “I hate you!”

And that hurts, but Niall is used to it after having already raised three children who’ve all said it at some point or another. He’s more than ready to deal with that, because this situation is not on him. Chris shouldn’t be looking at that kind of thing.

He storms out of the room after mentally checking to make sure that Chris doesn’t have any other devices he could use for that, and goes to his and Harry’s suite, because that seems like the safest course of action. Harry will keep Niall from just smashing everything on the ground.

“Why do you have Chris’ tech?” Harry asks when Niall walks into the apartment.

“Because of this.” Niall mutters, lifting up the lid on the laptop so that the video resumes.

“Jesus Christ!” Harry yelps, eyes going wide. “He was looking at that?”

“Doing more than looking.” Niall sighs, closing it back up.

“Our children are sex maniacs.” Harry whimpers, covering his face with his hands. “Sex maniacs, Niall.”

“Wait- What?” Niall asks worriedly. “Why is that plural? Why is it plural, Harry? Why is it fucking-”

“Because Ava has a boyfriend.” Harry says quickly, putting his hand over Niall’s mouth. “And, no, they haven’t done anything yet, but they’ve talked about it. She’s thinking about it. She’s fifteen and thinking about it.”

“Maybe Jimmy is right.” Niall sighs, dropping his armload of tech onto the bed and then flopping down next to Harry. “Maybe we’ve been too open about ourselves. Maybe this is our fault.”

“We did not turn our children into sex maniacs by being affectionate with each other.” Harry huffs.

“Stop calling them that!” Niall hisses, smacking at Harry’s thigh.

“Well, what should I call them?” Harry asks incredulously. “Because I think that they’re sex maniacs.”

“They’re-” Niall says, struggling to come up with something. “Pubescent?”

“Jimmy and William weren’t this bad, this young.” Harry mutters.

“Maybe they were.” Niall says quietly, rolling onto his back and staring at the ceiling. “Maybe we just didn’t notice? Maybe all of our children were sex maniacs? I blame you.”

“Why?” Harry squawks.

“You’ve always been a pervert.” Niall says with a shrug.

“Well you’re the one who always picks movies that have intimate scenes in them.” Harry argues.

“Oh my god.” Niall groans. “It was us. We turned our children into - into-”

“Sex maniacs.” Harry finishes for him, flopping down next to Niall.

 

“You two, with me.” Niall says, pointing at Chris and Ava. When he finds all four kids on the couch.

“Why?” Ava groans.

“Because it’s time to make dinner.” Niall hums, waving his arms towards the kitchen. “Move it.”

“But Jimmy is the cook.” Ava says incredulously. “We don’t cook. You remember what happened when I tried to heat soup. The house almost burned down, dad!”

“I will be cooking. You two will be helping me prep the food.” Niall explains.

“Why not the twins?” Ava whines.

“Because your father is going to go get some firewood, and they’re going to help him cut it and carry it in.” Niall grins. “Unless you two would care to go outside in the freezing cold with your father and an axe.”

“No!” Ava yelps, jumping up off of the couch and sprinting towards the kitchen. Chris just folds his arms over his chest and follows her silently, refusing to speak to, or make eye contact with, Niall. It’s his go-to move when he’s angry.

“Do we really have to go out there and gather firewood?” William asks sullenly.

“Your father will do all of that. Your actual job is just to keep him from hurting himself.” Niall snorts. “And help him carry in the wood afterwards. It shouldn’t be much. The only wood fireplace is the one in our suite. The other two are gas.”

“You realize there’s a ninety percent chance that this ends in total disaster?” Jimmy asks.

“That’s why you two are going. Because I tried to talk him out of it, but- You know your father.” Niall sighs. “Gets something stuck in his head, and then he won’t let it go. I need you two to make sure he doesn’t cut his leg off or something. Because I can’t drag him back here if he does.”

“We should get paid for babysitting dad.” Jimmy snorts, clapping Niall on the shoulder as he walks past with William towards the back, where Harry is waiting for them.

“I’ll give you each fifty if you get him back unharmed.” Niall hisses after them.

“Not even close to fair compensation for the work.” Jimmy scoffs.

“A hundred if he’s unharmed and happy.” Niall adds.

“That’s more like it.” Jimmy scoffs, throwing his arm over William’s shoulders and leading him into the other room.

Honestly, it’s completely worth it. And not just because Niall is more than a bit reluctant to let Harry out of the house, let alone with an axe. Niall is literally buying time. He and Harry decided between them that Niall was the father that was less likely to scar Ava and Chris for life by having a discussion about sex with them. Harry has too little control over the words that fly out of his mouth at the best of times, and this is not the best of times.

He takes a deep breath to calm himself, and then goes to find Chris and Ava sulking in the kitchen. Neither of them seem to care to acknowledge him, so he ignores them as well as he pulls out the ingredients for dinner. That gives him a bit of time to think about what he’s going to actually say to them.

Discussing sex with the twins was, at the time, the most awkward moment of his life. And that included several instances of being walked in on with Harry by their parents. But they’d gotten ahead of the game on that one. They talked to the twins at ten, before either of them really knew everything.

Ava, being the only girl, was a discussion that they wanted to handle delicately. They’d taken her to a doctor to explain the basics of hygiene and puberty, just so that they didn’t risk messing anything up. But talking about actual sex had slipped through the cracks for far too long, and now it’s blown up in their faces.

And, Chris- Chris is their baby. He’s the youngest, and, they wanted to believe, the most innocent of the bunch. Judging by the things Niall had found on his laptop, that is not the case at all. Chris looks at things that would have made Harry blush during his wild phase.

Niall settles everything on the counter, and then realizes that he can’t put it off anymore. He doesn’t plan on just jumping right into things, though. Easing them in seems the best way to handle it.

“Look, I get it, none of you really want to be here – but here we are.” Niall says quietly. “I need you guys to at least make an effort. Now, I need one of you to cut the vegetables and the other to roll out the dough.”

Neither of them respond.

“No volunteers? Great, I’ll choose, then. Ava,” he pauses, plucks her phone out of her hands, “you get veggie duty.” He claps a hand on Christopher’s shoulder. “And you are on dough duty.”

“No fair,” Ava mutters.

“A little more enthusiasm would be lovely, Princess.” Niall chides, pushing the cutting board full of vegetables towards her.

“I’ll be enthusiastic as soon as this trip stops sucking.” Ava grumbles, picking up the knife and slicing it down through the tip of a carrot.

“I’ll second that.” Chris huffs, taking the dough out of the container and smacking it down on the other board.

“Well that attitude certainly isn’t going to help turn it around for either of you.” Niall says flatly. “I know that things have been- Awkward. I know that. Trust me, it’s been as awkward for us as it has been for you.”

“Not possible.” Ava scoffs, rolling her eyes.

“I know that - sex- Isn’t an easy topic to discuss with your parents.” Niall stumbles through his words, only making the situation worse by the second as he struggles to find a way to put things delicately without underselling the importance of the conversation. “I had this conversation with my parents too, and it wasn’t fun. But the thing you both need to understand about sex is-”

“Oh my god!” Ava shrieks, dropping the knife and covering her ears with her hands. “Stop!”

“We know about sex, dad.” Chris says with a shiver. “We learned all about it in school.”

And, well- Niall knew that. He knows that they have sexual education courses, but he didn’t think that Chris would have had that already. He really needs to pay attention to those permission slips he signs. Now he’s left in stunned silence, trying to find the right words to explain that, while the classes teach about sex from a biological perspective, there’s so much more to it than that.

Seconds later, William stumbles through the back door, yelling, “Dad!”

The distinct sound of utter concern clenches at Niall’s stomach.

“What? What is it? What happened?” He rushes towards the door just as Harry staggers in with Jimmy under his arm, blood over his face from a small cut in his forehead. “Jesus Christ, Harry.”

“He tripped on a log and fell face first into a tree,” Jimmy snickers. “It was kind of hilarious.”

“Doesn’t feel very hilarious,” Harry mutters.

“Ava, go get the first aid kit out from under the sink in the loo, please,” Niall says. As Ava runs off, Niall turns his full attention of Harry. “Shoulda known better than to let the klutziest person to ever walk the earth go out to get firewood, huh?”

“At least it wasn’t the axe.” Harry says with a weak smile. “That caught on the log and tripped me, so I didn’t hurt anyone with it.”

“Except yourself.” Jimmy snorts.

“You do realize that you aren’t getting paid, right?” Niall asks flatly. “You couldn’t even watch him for five minutes. How far did you even get?”

“Literally less than fifty feet.” Jimmy laughs. “Don’t worry about the money. That sight was totally worth it. We’ll go order a couple pizzas for dinner. You take care of the klutz.”

“Sadists and sex maniacs.” Harry grumbles as Jimmy and William leave the room.

“To be fair, pet-” Niall says with a soft smile. “It is pretty hilarious watching you fall.”

“You’re the reason they’re sadists.” Harry growls, batting at Niall’s chest.

“And you’re the reason they’re sex maniacs.” Niall snorts. “But if they turn out like you, I guess that wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.”


End file.
